Saturday, 14 March 2009

• Anything Flavored Review

  A few weeks back, I had a chance to try ten flavors of the Harry Potter Anything Flavor Jelly Beans produced by Jelly Belly. The idea of anything flavored jelly beans is a novel concept, but if you think about it, the majority of things in life are not edible for a good reason. They taste gross.
  
  
  

  It is strange what people won't do, but will do. Under sane conditions, you would not try these flavors. You wouldn't order vomit flavored food from a menu. But if a company makes a novely gift sample pack, you'l find yourself having a tasting party with five friends.

  The taste of these candies is so uncanny an disturbing, you will quadruple check the list of ingredients. The other strange thing is - for some reason - we've all tasted these in real life somehow, which might be more disturbing.

  Dirt - This had that dry, soil taste you remember from being forced to eat dirt on the playground as a child. Like when you did a back flip out of a swing, caught your foot on the chain, ate a mouthful of dirt, and knocked yourself out during recess (true story). Or one of those real attic boogers that you fish out of your nose on a dry day.
  Scrumptiousness: Bearable, better than real dirt

  Grass - It tasted like a freshly mowed lawn smells with an additional hint of Dirt. Unlike eating from lawn, there is a lowered risk of dog poop being involved.
  Scrumptiousness: Better flavor than dirt

  Booger - The great news is, if you like this flavor, you don't need to buy anything in order to please your taste buds. You are your own factory.
  Scrumptiousness: Oddly familiar

  Earwax - Just like the real stuff. A bit sour. Find a Q-tip, and you can make the equivalent of a popcicle. The only downside, you ate this on purpose and not on accident when nibbling on your significant other.
  Scrumptiousness: Somewhat edible

  Soap - Now you can experience the taste of minimum wage at a Bath & Body store. The flavor attacks your taste buds with the same overload your olfactory receives when you're within a hundred yards of such a store. It also tasted like the flavored candle I once took a bite of on a dare.
  Scrumptiousness: Over-powering

  Black Pepper - I'm confused why they put a fairly normal taste in a sample filled with fairly gross flavors. It tasted peppery. Imagine that.
  Scrumptiousness: You can finish this

  Earthworm - A nice play on the flavor of Dirt. It could use a slimey finish though. Not as meaty as you'd expect.
  Scrumptiousness: Interesting, but nothing to write home about (blog instead)

  Vomit - Want to feel like a bullimic soccer mom for a day or a bird being fed? Pop a bunch of these. They have the same acidic, regurgitated taste as the real stuff. Except it is going down instead of coming up.
  Scrumptiousness: You might taste this both directions

  Rotten Egg - This is the only flavor I could not swallow. I tried, but after 5 seconds, I made a mad dash for the trash can, spit it out, drank a mojito, and still suffered flashbacks for the rest of the evening.
  Scrumptiousness: What the dead hooker in the trunk smells like

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