Thursday, 30 April 2009

• Currently 300 By Frank Miller, Lynn Varley see related

  Swine Flu - It May Taste Like Pumpkin Pie

  This post has something for everyone.
  
  Swine Flu. I've been waiting for this moment (queue Phil Collins music) - something is finally more news worthy than Twitter! And if things go right for the flu and wrong for us, it might be more popular than Twitter. I prefer the days when Mexico provided cheap labor, lessons in crossing rivers, tequila, and coyote-related story plots for the 4th season of Weeds. Oh when will season 5 be upon us?
  
  I think it is interesting how companies and venture capitalists fail to distinguish the difference between a community and a business model. Twitter is a great community, but it is about as good a business model as hemorrhagic fevers, laser engraved hot dogs, or the Brady Bunch. Brady Brunch - did they ever market morning snacks?
  
  I'm not sure why the Brady Bunch made it in to that last sentence, but it did, and now we all have to deal with it. Oh, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. I'm glad that is as far as my Brady Bunch references go, because I never liked the show. They could have had the "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha Morning After Pill". Be sure to take it with food or a Brady Brunch.
  
  After the flu dissipates we can rebuild society according to the Georgia Stones. In the post-swine flu world, my new name is Usul.
  
  My grandfather Victor remembered the influenza pandemic of 1918. He was 9 when it struck. He once told me about how he took food to the homes of sick people. He also used to bootleg tequila from Mexico in to the United States. He'd load it in to the car, cover the stash with pillows and blankets, and then he'd have my mother and her sister pretend to be asleep on top of the blankets. No border patrol guard had the nerve to disturb two innocent sleeping Caucasian girls.
  
  Once in Mexico my grandmother hit and killed a cow. They didn't report the accident though, because it would have counted at as a criminal offense not a civil offense (unlike car wrecks in America). So they slipped money under the cow and left.
  
  After that incident, every year on the exact day of the fatality (I tried to make a cow pun there, but cow-tality didn't seem to hold up well) my grandfather would mail my grandmother a card that just said "Mooooooo" inside. They called it Cow Day.
  
  Speaking of cards, in Wal-greens I found this card and purchased it for myself. Aside from the cards I make, this is the best card ever. I've never made a better investment in my life.
  
  
  
  With this card no day or moment is ever less than exciting. Feeling down? Open the card! Feeling upset? Open the card! Want to feel even more awesome? Open the card again!
  
  I think the movie "Fast and Furious" should have been called "More Fast, More Furiouser". That title matches the command I imagine Vin Diesel has over the English language. At least Vin Diesel had the good fortune to be in Pitch Dark. Too bad all of his other movies have sucked. It is like being born as a Spartan child and then pushed off a cliff, except Vin didn't get pushed - he voluntarily jumped.
  
  Today I realized that the standard password I use is 17 characters long. If my password were a hot girl, she'd almost be of age. If you think that is strange, then think about how strange it was when I managed to slide that in to conversation with Laura.
  
  Sometimes she* looks at me strangely when I talk. (* = Laura, not the password girl)
  

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