I love psychology, and I miss studying it a great deal. One of the most interesting effects is called the bystander effect, which basically states that if something happens to you (mugging, fire, rape, etc), the more people there are near you the less likely someone is to help you due to diffusion of responsibility (everybody presumes someone else is going to help you, no one ends up helping you, and then you die).
After I learned about the bystander effect I've never been able to break myself from countering it. By that, I mean if I hear someone crying for help I respond. I'd rather respond and potentially save someone than not respond and participate in someone's demise.
About a year ago Laura and I were hanging out and after a bit we realized we could hear a woman screaming hysterically. "Don't touch me!" "Get away!" "Leave me alone!" I grabbed my phone and keys and headed out. I traced the sound to outside of the apartment complex and discovered two other guys about my age also trying to figure out what might be going on.
We cautiously checked around the corner and found a young man and a young woman. She was going berzerk, and he wasn't anywhere close to touching her. He claimed she was drunk, but either she was the most balanced, coordinated, and agile drunk to ever be or she was strung out on a bad trip.
He said he had called the cops, so we decided to watch the couple until the cops arrived. In this situation until the cops show up, I'm not about to believe they have been called. Waiting included chasing the couple a block or two after she bolted. Eventually the cops pulled up, said they had to press charges but that the boyfriend could later drop them. Then I realized why he might be pressing charges. She had bitten his arm - look at your right arm, now imagine how much flesh you could bite off your bicep in one bite.
A few weeks later I heard the screeching sound of car breaks, a car alarm go off, and then a car rev its engine and take off. A yell that sounded like "He's been hit by a drunk" followed soon after. Once again I sprang in to action, grabbed my keys and phone, and bolted for the door.
Outside I turned the corner of the block to find a guy laying face down with another person over him. I thought it was a pedestrian hit by a drunk driver with his friend holding him. I'm not sure why, but I'm very calm in moments like this.
But I realized this wasn't the scenario. What had happened is that someone had come in to the neighborhood and tried to steal a car. They had driven up, let out an accomplice and then waited. But the accomplice set off a car alarm. And then I heard the car speed off as the attempted criminals fled the scene.
Well, seeing as a lot of people park their car on the street, two guys had both come outside to see whose car had almost been stolen. Except the second guy had arrived about 20 seconds after the first, and when he saw the first guy he thought "Ah! There is the thief!" And had tackled him in the street and wasn't letting him up until the cops arrived.
The cops arrived, sorted out the mess, and life moved on.
Today another event happened. On my way to work I pass by a local grade school. This is fun because it means a crossing guard stops traffic for me as I cross the street, and I find that fun. But this morning I crossed the street to discover 3 girls watching 2 boys fight.
One of the boys had the other in a pretty firm headlock. I leaned down, grabbed his arms, released the headlocked boy, and told them to knock it off.
Kid Who Had Been Winning: "We're just wrestling around. We're not actually fighting."
Me: "Are you fighting or not?" - I'm not about to believe the winning kid
Kid Who Had Been Losing: "Yes, we're just wrestling around."
And he meant it, so I let them be.
I'm not sure why I feel this obligation, but I'm always amazed that more people don't react to situations. On a side note, please don't get scared for my safety. I am cautious when I approach these situations, and I've usually got 911 pulled up on my phone and ready to dial, and I always make sure someone knows where I've gone.
Comments (6)
I agree, it's hard to imagine. Usually, I check out the scene first and see if anyone actually needs help, or if someone is going to help first. That's just my nature. However, when I see no one moving then I get in there. I guess I do that because I don't like people rushing to my aid right away when I'm trying to do something myself - but this is during everyday scenarios, versus an accident, rape etc.
Just realized one of the good parts of having met someone is to be able to read this and say 'Yeah, sounds like him'./ A young Ethiopian girl driving her husband's new car lost brakes and crashed into my jalopy yesterday. She was as shaken, scared, and trembling as I've ever seen someone. I stayed with her till she got a tow-truck and calmed down slightly. I think the law allows me to hold someone's hand in a crisis. I hope so. Meanwhile, comically, I had to fight off a brain-dead bystander who insisted on checking her radiator, oil level, whatever. A good point you make on the need to know 'how' to help in each case.
I feel you. I don't like just standing around when I can do something.
you need a cape. and a polyester suit that fits snug under your clothes.
you need a cape.
it should have a b on it.
just the letter tho, not that buzzin little bastard.
I am quick to call 911 when I am out driving. I have called for a woman stranded with a broken down car and small children by the highway late at night, a group of small children walking happily down a very busy street at 11 PM, and various other things including suspicious people in my neighborhood and kids riding their razor miniature motorcycles in the middle of the very busy intersection near my house. I would way rather be thought of as the lady who is constantly calling 911 than let things go badly for people. My dad once stopped in a bad neighborhood and called 911 and then stayed with a man who had been shot moments before he arrived. This was in the late 80's when car phones were rare but my dad had one. The man's wife called our house a couple weeks later and thanked my dad. My dad also stopped when a man had been pinned in his burning car by a runaway trailer. No one could get him out... my dad stayed even though the man was burning to death. He didnt' want him to be alone.
Keep up the good work, Seth. The world is a better place because of people who are willing to help others.