January 9, 2012

• Space Commander 167

  Today is a big day.

  My as-of-yet unnamed friend, who is a Space Commander 167 series robot from the Gentlemen’s Intergalactic Space League of Explorers, just arrived from Quadrant 15776-16A. That particular quadrant is about a bajillion light years from the Milky Way, is a vaguely royal purple when viewed in the appropriate spectrum, and is known for having a light smell of cinnamon (due to a freak incident involving a supernova in the inner-Cinnamon planetary system caused by the Inner Sanctum of Evil Robots).

  On the front he has a bow tie, because he is classy, and a dial (because robots need those); a vent to dissipate heat from his power cell (one of the new eco-friendly Reactionary Voltaic Thermonuclear 5th generation energy cells); and a space ship so you know what he drives. When he presses the space ship button, his ship comes to the rescue or delivers items from Amazon’s Intergalactic Prime service.

  His waist has an energy gauge, a standard 3 prong plug so he can either recharge himself or provide power to other devices (120v or 220v), an Intergalactic Space League logo, and a light switch that lets him switch between classy mode and explorer mode.

  In back he has two spare batteries, an access panel, and an extra processor.

  His right should features an extra gear, because robots have lots of those. And his right arm is an awesome multifunction gravity beam / laser gun / fax / scanner / condiment dispensing unit complete with a dial for changing up the settings and a green F-AMOLED readout (the F is for “Futuristic”) that shows the current power level of the gravity beam / laser gun / fax / scanner / condiment.

   

  

   

  

   

  

   

  

   

  

  • 8:11 pm
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