Monday morning, the day after the long Sunday spent in DIA, I woke up and found this e-mail greeting me. Good morning, Sunshine!

I mentioned that I had other videos from the times spent at DIA, and this evening I compiled them in to another YouTube video. This one is more diverse and is fairly entertaining, but nothing will top my Where the Hell is Seth video. This one includes Velociraptors, Ninja Moves, the best Escalator impression you've ever seen, and my world famous rocket ship impression (notice how the Earth rotates in it).

On my flight from San Francisco to Oklahoma City, I wrote the following blog post:

"The perk of a job that provides a laptop is that you can blog mid-flight. Since moving to San Francisco, this flight is my first trip to Oklahoma that does not involve a wedding. I love my friends, but 20-ish weddings over the last two years is a bit intense.

It is odd when the pilot comes on and says "Flight attendants, please prepare for take off." As a flight attendant your life revolves around the ability to know whether the plane is taking off or landing and then preparing for it. Does the captain actually need to remind you?

Are you secretly playing X-Box 360, smoking cigars, and playing poker in some hidden compartment?

A moment ago the pilot finished his "Hey, we managed to reach cruising altitude" speech.

There is an open wifi device on the plane called "US Airways Wifi", but this is an American Airlines flight. Somewhere a US Airways attendant is wondering who stole their wireless router. Perhaps a US Airways flight is above us, inverted and flipping us the bird, like Maverick in Goose above about that Mig-29 in Top Gun.

When I design my first airplane, I'll put these little illustrations above each window. Above window 21A, where I'm sitting right now, will be an illustration of Maverick and Goose, inverted above your flight, flipping the bird.

Look! A creature on the wing!

Holy crap. The smell of food came down the aisle, and for once it smells great. At Christmas when I flew back from Europe on Lufthansa, the crew subjected us to the worst airplane food I'd ever encountered. They placed a little aluminum tin in front of me. I eagerly peeled back the non-resealable lid to find the grossest, rotted, fermented green remnants of what might have been spinache that I've ever seen. And in the middle of it sat the meat harvested from a rat with leprosy that had been tinkered with by Satan.

My name is Seth. I am 27. I have no idea how to spell spinnage, or spinache or spineache - that one looks more like a medical term. It makes me feel good to know that even brilliant minds, such as Einstein or Stephen Hawking or Da Vinci, probably had a few words or equations they could never get right. I bet Stephen stumbles on "hyperbolic" and "colostomy".

Astronomers are a target niche that have been overlooked for too long. Where are the Pillsbury Waning Crescent Rolls that my inner amateur astronomer long for?"

This is for ClockWorkBunny:

This was in the DIA airport.

Update #5: 11:16am

We finally landed last night at 3:00am. Of course, there weren't any more airport shuttles, so we took a taxi back to our place. 12 hours and a $50.00 taxi ride later, we finally made it home. I'll post the rest of my goofy videos later, but for now the video in #4 will have to tide you over. It is by far the best video.

Update #4: 11:25pm

We're back in the airport. We're now at a new gate with a different plane. The different plane has different pilots. We have to load one-by-one, since they took our tickets. So they have to call us one at a time, check our ids, and let us on. However, before they do that, this plane needs fuel. It was supposed to stay the night at the airport, so they hadn't refueled it.

But the fuel guys are gone for the night. They woke one up, he is on his way to the airport. Then he'll refuel our plane, and then we might leave.

Here is a video I made while waiting at DIA. I hope you enjoy it:

The video was done in honor of Where the Hell is Matt (watch his 2008 video) and Jamiroquai. I did this on my MacBook pro, and the sound required no editing. I just played Matt's video on YouTube while I recorded. The results surprised me. I'd have made it longer if my battery hadn't been critically low.

Update #3: 11:00pm

The replacement pilots are still legal to fly us. But the plane has a frozen fuel line in engine #1. So now we are switching to a new plane. We were supposed to be home hours ago, but at least we are getting home.

Edit: The pilot had suspected the fuel line. Turns out the starter for the engine had a mechanical problem.

Update #2: 10:30pm

Legally pilots are required to work a limited number of hours, and then they have to get a set amount of time to rest and sleep. Our pilots have not had enough sleep. So a new plane with new pilots for us flew in from Las Vegas, but it got delayed. This means our replacement pilots are no longer legal to fly. The Replacements for the replacements are flying in now, but no one is sure if they are legal until they land.

So at 11:20 we find out whether we have get to fly to SFO, or whether we get to spend the night in a hotel.

Update #1: 7:30pm

I'll be updating this as the night progresses. Please enjoy!

We're headed back from a weekend in Oklahoma. Our flight back is from OKC to Denver to San Francisco, and San Francisco's clouds have decided to drop heavy rain for the next 3 or 4 hours. So, Laura and I are now stuck in DIA for 4 more hours (we've already been here 2).

I am becoming a "How to Burn Time in the Airport" Professional. Earlier Laura made a video of me doing my "riding an elevator" impression. We have no way to upload it at the moment, but I will include it in the next post.

Did I mention that my Girlfriend is the Best Ever. For Valentine's Day she got me stand-up comedy lessons!

We don't want to eat McDonald's food, but Denver has a crap airport where everything closes around 9pm. This means unless we'd like to pay $10.25 for a cheese burger at the over-priced grill, we can either starve or eat McD's. Mc'Ds it is, though we're not getting soda or french fries (on purpose).

While using the urinal, I noticed that cherry Sucrets taste the same way that unflushed urinals smell. Let your brain suck on that thought for a little bit.

If I hadn't forgotten my AC adpter (or if I had borrowed the one offered to me in OKC and mailed it back once I arrived to SF), then Laura could be using her Dell and I could be using my MacBook Pro. But no, I forgot mine. So we have to share her computer

My quote to Laura the other day:
"When I have to share something with you. I don't consider it as me getting less than I should. Rather, I'm happy that I get to share something with you."

In the men's room, there is a unit on the wall where you can dispose of your dirty syringes. Denver must be a hub for freebasing and diabetics. Or freebasing diabetics.

Now, you must excuse me. Laura just brought The Big Mac a Big Mac.

Random fact: my nickname for a summer was once "The Big Mac," but in the flirting sense of the word. Not the food sense of the word. However, I had the nickname at astronomy camp, which removes all coolness from the story.

Thankfully the airport has free Wifi, and Laura and I have a Netflix account. We're streaming season one of 30 Rock. Netflix saves the day!

Here is to hoping your "V-Day" is less like the historic V-E Day...

And more similar to V-J Day.

Because kissing in the street, when there is no on-coming traffic and you've got the right of way in the pedestrian zone, is better than reading a newspaper in the street. Or being the voyeur watching people in the street kiss. That is probably a Web site.

When you compare those photographs, it shows two things.

1. Some people know how to celebrate better than others
2. It is obvious that we need to choose a better abbreviation for Valentine's Day

From now on, it is V-J Day. Because it rhymes with S-BJ Day better. And because every day should be filled with...

Love,

And steak (or whatever the vegetarian version of steak is - ferns? eggplant? ficus?),

And / or Hot Nurses,

And reading less newspapers,

But not sailor outfits.

Secretly, V-J Day is an anti-reading the newspaper campaign. Now get off Xanga, turn off your computer, turn on your significant other, and have a wonderful Valentine's Day and a great weekend in general.

In 429 posts, I've written 216,593 words. In return, you all have left 10,547 comments in 383,260 words. An adult novel has about 70,000 words. While I've written 3 novels in posts, you have have left me 5 novels of comments.

I'm going to take all the comments, mix them in to random order, and publish it as a book. It will be heralded as the first stream-of-conscious blog book. I will win the Pulitzer, buy a border collie named Finnegan, and be lionized as our generation's James Joyce. The back cover of the book will feature a portrait of me dressed as Picasso. Yes.

Now, here are some strange things I've found on the internet lately...

Yes, this is a real website. I didn't even know pages with biohazard symbols, animated explosions and dripping blood, and "Frames Free" stickers existed. But I'm glad to see the spirit of the Internet is alive and well, and that somewhere out there die-hard nerds still exist.

There is nothing ironic about a McDonald's ad for fried chicken McNuggets, unless you're doing research on social networking sites at work and, like me, find it as the premier ad on a social website for black people.

Running a competitive company takes a lot of work. But it takes cajones and courage to post pictures of the child laborers who make your company possible.

The Sponge Bob Squate Pants Yahoo! Message Board is apparently the #1 result for bad spellings of "commendeer."

It appears that the San Francisco MOMA would love for you to come watch small girls read books in fields of grass. This counts as creepy, and I don't want to know which patron sponsored the event.

Looking up a manual page on Google can be scary. I'm going to clarify this a bit more. In Linux you can type "man" followed by the name of a command to look at the instructions for the command. Example: "man touch" brings up the instructions for the command "touch". "Touch" basically makes the date of a file update to the current date.

I'll be making another post or two this week, but for the most part I'll be trolling the blogs of everyone else, because I've definitely neglected everyone out there. So consider me a forum troll for this week.

I returned to this theme, because I hated my other themes.

Any time I see a sign like this, I tear off a tab with the person's contact information. Then if the person walks by later, he or she will get a little bit of hope that someone out there is interested in piano, sky diving, being a roommate, or fulfilling whatever wish the ad is about. I liked this ad because it is very optimistic and well designed.

On that note, I think this is a good time to encourage you to not take sky diving lessons from signs like this. I've never seen a sky diving lesson offered on one of these, but that doesn't strike me as the most legitimate way to find a sky diving instructor. Or doctor for that matter.

Friday evening Laura and I ventured out and saw Dave Attell perform at Cobb's Comedy Club. Dave is sober on this tour, and the man might be at his sharpest wit in years. Here is a lesson: always go to the late showing of standup comic. The late show always runs longer (this went from 10:30pm to almost 1am).

The following are not realted to Dave Attell. Rather, they just came out of my brain:

I think if someone had siamese octuplets, it would look like an ammo belt.

I'm glad flowers pollenate rather than ejaculate.

If Seth Godin has an action figure, why don't the Somali Pirate Action Figures? You could collect all the pirates and then collect scale models of each ship they've taken.

The pirates have a spokesman. Holy crap.
"Do you know anything about sailing, boots, or nautical charts?"
"No, but I have a degree in PR from Devry."

I've made 429 posts and received over 10,000 comments.

I want the Oompa Loompa's to cover the "Lollipop Guild" song.

I've seen a lot of movies recently, and the funniest moment came in the credits of perhaps the saddest film: Milk.

You probably expected to see "The Reader" listed there rather than a movie named after the delicious drink our nation dunks Oreo cookies in, that kittens love, that moon cars and UFOs use as fuel, and that we turn in to the miracle known as ice cream. (UFOs and moon cars run on dreams and ice cream.)

Not to take a dump on holocaust films, but I'd like to get this out of the way: I'm sick of movies about the holocaust. First, we're all aware of the atrocities that took place. Second, they always nominate holocaust movies for the Oscars, even when the movies are bad. Here is a secret: I think the movie "The Pianist" sucked. Interesting, yes. Good, no. That is why I'm not going to see "The Reader" any time soon.

The movie Milk is about Harvey Milk, who was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1977. He was the first openly gay man in American history to be voted in to public office. He was a good man and a excellent politician. Sadly, he and the mayor were murdered by Dan White, another member of the Board.

The murder is famous because of its pointlessness and the loss of 2 good men.
The trial is famous because of White's defense, which is now known as the "Twinkie Defense". His lawyer successfully argued that White had not committed pre-meditated murder, because White was high on sugar. Yea, I'm not joking. You can look it up on Wikipedia. But that isnt the funny thing.

Obvsiously, the entire movie pivots around the homosexual community in San Francisco. Almost every character in the movie is homosexual.

And I kid you not, the following line is in the credits....

"Gay Man ... John IWasLaughingToHardToRememberHisName"

I about fell over lauging in the theater when I saw that scroll by. I can just hear the conversation...

Fred: "I hear you're an actor. Have I seen you in anything?"
John: "I was in the Oscar-nominated movie `Milk'."
F: "Wow. Congratulations on that. Who did you play?"
J: "I played the gay man."
F: "Isn't there more than one?"
J: "Yea, but I'm in the credits as the gay one."
F: "So there is just one line of credits?"
J: "No, there were a lot of characters in the movie."
F: "Did you play all of them, like Eddie Murphy does in his movies?"

This is the only problem with owning a Sunni couch.

Laura is a fan of the game Animal Crossing. In the game you take control of a human character living in a village populated by little animal villagers. You can raise flowers, plant trees, grow fruit, go fishing,
catch bugs, dig for dinosaur fossils, collect new outfits and furniture, upgrade your house, and interact with the villagers. It is a simple but addictive game as you try to collect
the hundreds of unlockable items in the game.

Each resident of the village has a catch phrase. And during conversations the characters sometimes ask you to
suggest a new catch phrase. This is where my brilliance and knack for covert operations comes shining through. When Laura isn't around, I'll play the game and give everyone new catch phrases. Then I wait for her to play the game and burst
in to hysterics when lines such as this appear:

I changed the catch phrase to "My Vagina!" The rest of the sentence is about how it is evening in the game.

I keep to a strict no-blogging-about-work policy. But I will state that I've been busy coding a website,
and that is why I've been absent again. It launches soon, and I spent most of Saturday and today at work
knee deep in PHP. Work is its normal combination of good with moments of stress.

Saturday Laura and I ventured to the In-n-Out Burger near Pier 41. While we ate lunch we watched a large group
of Pro-Life supporters march. Two things impressed us. First, they made almost no noise. No songs, chants, hymns,
or screams. It almost seemed like a social get-together for the mute. Second, they numbered in the several thousand,
trickling by in an endless stream. Their numbers made their quiet demeanor even more eerie.

It occurred to me that the silence is probably due to a lack of Pro-Life Chants. So, I've penned the first Pro-Life
Chant that I am aware of. It is modeled after the great Vietnam Era protest chants...

What do we like?

Babies!

How do we like'em?

Alive!

Also, during a Pro-Life march it seems a bit ironic to eat at In-n-Out (from either a Pro-Life or Pro-Choice stand point - Even more so if you're familiar with Hemingway's short story about abortion).

My sister is pregnant! And in celebration, I drew her my own version of Picasso's "Girl Before a Mirror".

I'm a huge fan of Picasso. Not in the typical "I'm one of those people, who like everyone else loves Picasso," but rather I read about him (a lot),. I practice drawing in his styles. I enjoy recreating his art. I invest a lot of time in learning and studying about Picasso.

I think he and I would have gotten along quite well. We both seem spirited and creative. But I don't have breasts, which history shows was the best way to get the man's attention. On the other hand, I wouldn't want his attention that way.

I'd rather have conversations with him, such as...
"Nice painting!"
"Thanks, Pablo. I'm glad you appreciate robots too."

He probably liked frilly toothpicks as well.

Here is a version of the horse from Guernica that I did on
construction paper with purple marker. Walgreens is  great. It is located 1
block from my house, and it sells plenty of construction paper,
markers, and pens to keep my imagination busy and in production.

I'm going to purchase Xanga for life.

If I'm still writing on this thing in 80 years, I'll be impressed. If I'm still writing on this in 180 years, I'll be very impressed, tired, and retired on a spacious resort on Io.

Laura and I came across this guy several days ago in San Francisco. We immediately thought of Picasso's Blue Guitarist.

Tel Aviv -> Istanbul -> Frankfurt -> Amsterdam -> DC ->
San Francisco. 36 hours of flights and airports. Arrive in SF 9pm. Work
Mon. @ 9am. half a minute ago

You've never gone through security until you've gone through Israeli Airport Security...
1.) Quiz about what you did while standing in line for the baggage X-Ray
2.) X-Ray your bags in a machine the size of a tank
3.) Random Bag Check - unpack everything, repack it all
4.) Boarding Pass Check
5.) Combination: Metal detector for yourself. X-Ray for your bag. Swab for chemicals and explosives.
6.) Concourse Security
7.) Then, sometimes for fun, Getting-on-the-airplane Security Checks.

For a Good Time Make It Centauri Time

This, my friends, is what a $5.27 Coca-Cola looks like in the Istanbul airport. It is serving as my breakfast.

ps - I am attempting to update with a picture from each Terminal on my way back to the States.

Hours Awake: 21 of 21
Flights Remaining: 4 of 5

Was Ist Das?

Frankfurt Airport

Hours Awake: 41 of 48
Flights Remaining: 3 of 5

Home, Again. Home, Again.

I finally arrived at about 9:30pm.

Hours Awake: 49 of 65
Flights Remaining: 0 of 0

(If you're wondering how come I was awake so long: My first flight required me to be at the Tel-Aviv airport at 3am. So there is an entire day of just being awake tacked on before I started traveling.)