This happened in August, but I have to share it...
The evening prior Chris, my boss, had let his dog out to do its duty. He heard some commotion and then the dog streaked back in to the house smelling of skunk. The next day Chris arrived to work paranoid that he might smell like skunk. He spent the first fifteen minutes of working asking people if he smelled. He definitely didn't, but I could not fail to seize the opportunity, and thus sent out the following to everyone in our office, except Chris:
That is right. Twenty minutes after sending out this e-mail, my co-coworkers had convinced Chris that he smelled and he left for the day. Apparently when he was in the kitchen having a conversation, someone casually walked through and said "Huh... what's the smell?" And later on someone came down the stairs and said "Chris, I can smell you up here. You have to go home."
Typically if he leaves the office, he comes by my desk in person and says that he is headed out. But this time he ran straight for home, so I had no chance to show him the clever antics I had pulled. Then I got worried, because at some point he was going to learn what had happened. I figured that I had better break the news to him, so I headed over to Walgreens, purchased two cards, and put them on his desk to find Monday morning...
He signed it. And I posted it for all to see at my desk.
* If you use reddit, you may have seen this before. It actually made the front page over there.
After a bit of a blogging hiatus, I am back as I spend my first day in Shanghai. I'll post more entertaining thoughts and pictures later, but for now I wanted to share my hotel room.
I've been busy with some fun side activities, hence the ghost-like presence here over the last week. And last night I finished my most recent Pièce de résistance. I sent out a link to it before heading to work this morning, and now here it is for your viewing pleasure...
Recently a friend lent me the Green Lantern chronicles, volume 1. It is a compilation of issues from the 1960's when DC decided to revamp the character for the next generation. I had never read comics from the Silver Age before, but I highly recommend it for the simple reason that the comics are so appalling you can't help but laugh. As someone living in an age of excessive entertainment options, it is almost difficult to believe that people considered the plots, dialogs, and villians of that age entertaining. No wonder people en masse were flocking to drugs.
The Green Lantern is weak to the color yellow. Yes, the color yellow. We're talking about a super hero who can be defeated by a taxi that fails to yield to him in a crosswalk, or a dastardly Chiquita banana, or simply a heavy bottle of yellow mustard, or a urine test. This weakness means that every issue breaks down to this: Green Lantern has to fight something that is yellow...
And then 10 pages later it resolves when he discovers a non-yellow part of whatever he is fighting...
Now that you've seen those two panels, you've basically read every Green Lantern story and you can resume moving on with your life.
But by far the best part of reading Silver Age comics is the sheer amount of blatant sexism and racism in them. For instance, Hal Jordan (aka Green Lantern) has a tubby Eskimo sidekick he calls "Pie Face". And at work he is always just flat out trying to bone his boss. He is constantly one panel away from humping her face off. His second alter ego is probably a serial rapist...
Hal Jordan, keeping it classy.
Public Service Announcements by the Green Lantern would have been creepy as hell. "Hi, kids. I'm Hal Jordan. The key to a non-creepy sexual advance is offering a dinner followed by a harmless 'ride in the country!' What could a woman possibly see wrong with that? Remember kids, she can't put out if you don't take her out... to the woods."
And last of all, there are massive loads of ambiguous panels...
The phrase "That's what she said" is fine and sometimes has hilarious moments, but it is definitely over used. In retaliation, I have started a new phrase among my friends: "Just Like Dad." And as far as we know, I created this, and we've been using it for a few months among ourselves.
However, JLD has some rules. It is based on the honor system, so be sure to keep your friends within the boundaries...
You can only use the phrase JLD once a day. The idea is quality, not quantity.
If you fail to use the phrase correctly 3 times, you are banned for life.
If someone has been banned, you are allowed to call him or her out on it.
In regards to rule #2. My friend Angela, the first person to ever receive a lifetime ban, couldn't remember the phrase and kept saying things like "because dad said so" or "similar to dad". Because the fails all happened on the same day, I realized she would never respect the one rule of JLD, so I had to create rules #2 and #3.
Origins: It started at a Sonic drive-in where there was a picture of a foot long hot dog that said something along "Bigger. Juicier." Someone in the car said "Bigger, Juicier...That's what she said" and I said "Bigger, Juicier... Just like dad."
The last week has been busy, so I will share these highlights to make up for lost time. First, the owner of the store that is located down the street is a sadist, because this is definitely adding insult to injury:
That giant ice cream is taunting everyone who walks passes, "We are closed, so you cannot have me. But if we were open, you could have me. But we are not open. Quit starring at me. You are making me uncomfortable, creep." If someone broke in to this store, could you blame them? To me, this is equivalent to a bank leaving large sums of cash in plain sight, except I can eat ice cream without consequences.
Second, at work one of the rooms was recently painted. Because the paint had the most toxic smell you have ever encountered, they put signs up that said "Do Not Enter. Toxic Fumes." I decided the sign needed some enhancements, so I was like "fixed that for you!"
I don't care who you are. Whenever you hear the word "toxic", that song is the first or second thing you think of.
Third, it disturbs me that the napkin of the ramen noodle place in the mall has a question mark above the soup bowl. "We have no idea what the hell is in this," is not the message I want from my soup. In fact, if you are not a fortune cookie, I don't want message from my food at all. Since the napkin is a bit odd, I figure they might as well up the level of oddity. So I hereby submit my official suggestion for changing up the design:
Mickey Mouse style ears
Whiskers
Tentacles coming out of the questionable content
Tank treads for better traction and for quelling pesky uprisings among the ramen noodle-demanding populace
And fairly affective shading for ballpoint pen on a napkin
Now they have a mascot that is able to go toe-to-toe with the mascot of Big Boy.
Saturday we attended a baby shower. Here is the card we took:
Yes, that is an awesome card. No, I did not draw it.
But I did write the message on the inside, because I write the best cards EVER.
I did not let Laura see what I wrote before I sealed the card. Otherwise there is a concerned conversation about "questionable content" of the card, or poor penmanship, or the risk of having to write a new card.
This is probably what happens when a person spray paints on a silo after a long night of drinking. "No More Blooood Sheep !!" and "Good Morning Pick-Pick from the Sharks."
As you can see in this action shot, a floppy wide brimmed hat is the international license for adventuring
At the north, looking over the border from Mt. Bental.
Wine tasting at the Yarden Winery
Tagging and releasing a migratory bird at the Hula Bird Sanctuary.
The gorgeous blues of the city of Tzfat. Historians believe the city is the origin of the joke "Your mom is so Tzfat..."
We came across some random musicians in Tzfat who play tiny UFOs.
And they decided to play us some little tunes on tiny UFOs.
The Ba'Hai gardens. Basically, the founder of Ba'Hai said "Every religion was correct for its time. But now, we need to combine our faiths. The Messiah is coming soon." After the founder died, one of his followers immediately raised his hand and said "Hi, Everybody, IT IS ME! I am the messiah!" It does not matter what religion you start, each one has that "I am the Messiah" guy.
Probably my favorite photograph from the trip, this is Casey in front of a mirror.
Sushi on Ben Yehuda street.
Hadas stealing our watermelon.
Fixed That For You!
A snail during the Great Snail Sidewalk Party of 2011, which happened moments before the Tragic Snail Sidewalk Massacre of 2011.
Someone: "It is a snail party!" Me: *not paying attention* - CRUNCH Tsfi: "It is no longer a party."
Pope, Rex Kwon Do WORLD CHAMPION.
The view as one exits Yad Vashem, the holocaust memorial.
RELEVANT.
Ice cream break!
The early morning ascent up Masada. The Romans walked up and found dead Jews. Today you can walk to the top and discover the Romans are now dead too.
The sun rises over the dead sea. See the sea while you can, because Israel is destroying it at an astonishingly rapid rate in order to make makeup products and fertilizer. I am serious. That is what they are doing to it.
When you see it, you will understand.*
Whoever spends time spray painting Lego men around Tel-Aviv is doing a great job and spending his time well.
Tal preparing to order two mixed cokes.
Jacose chowing down on a dish that is basically "Hey, guy we hired as a cook. What happens if we put everything in one pan and cook it?"
Mor and her one true love.
Hanging out on the boat Shera calls home. I looked around and sadly none of the boats are named "The C-Word".
If there are floating robots like this in the future, then my dreams will all be fulfilled.
* = There is nothing special about that photograph. I simply wanted to see how long you would stare at it.
Note: I took close to a thousand photographs. I applied a bit of triage and posted the ones I found most interesting,
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