What you need to know is this: I've worked in San Francisco
for almost 2 years as the head of IT for a great company that does strategy,
branding, and consulting for companies. But today marked my last day there, as
I've decided to go to a different company. Between now and my new job, I'm
taking a vacation to Italy (Rome and Florence to be specific).

At 4:30pm today I sent out a company-wide e-mail telling my co-workers goodbye.
I had a lot of fun writing the letter, and I decided to share it with everyone
else, because damn it, I am clever.

Other things you should know are we make a lot of Power Point presentations,
and almost every day I make some interesting sculpture out of Jenga on the
table in the kitchen.

Is there IT after Seth?

A life without IT. Can you survive? Yes. Will it be as entertaining or fun
filled? Definitely not. The good news is that if you have to use my “OMFG
Seth Got Hit By A Bus” emergency documentation folder, I didn’t actually
get hit by a bus [1]. Instead, I’m in Rome while you’re dealing with some
obscure IT problem or password failure. Good luck! I say that because I wrote
the documentation in Klingon.

But fear not! Unlike Jurassic Park, when this IT guy leaves, the power won’t go
out and dinosaurs won’t try to eat you. However, if I leave and a velociraptor
makes its way in to the office or stalks you after work (Corey, watch out on
the stairs), I can tell you that running an arc-shaped path will maximize your
impending doom by a negligible amount. I know this because some awesome guy ran
a computer simulation about it [2]. So I recommend any of the following:

• A.) Accept your fate as dinosaur fodder.
• B.) Go down fighting with a stapler and a pair of
  scissors. And if you have time to queue up a really awesome song, do that
  too. You might as well die fighting a dinosaur to an epic sound track.
  Cesar has good song recommendations.
• C.) Sustain yourself on trail mix while barricading
  yourself in a stack of broken office chairs.

Or if the power does happen to go
off, I don’t know what to recommend. I’m just thankful it didn’t happen while I
was here, and don’t call me about it.

Until the next IT person is installed (get it?), I recommend a few things:

1. Brush up on your Star Wars references and World of
   Warcraft jokes. Gnome jokes are the rage right now. Actually, I don’t
   gnome if they are or not.
2. Don’t break anything!

The Real GoodBye

I feel this should really be in a Power Point presentation, but I’m going to
skip the formalities. Sorry for not being on brand.

I’m glad the partners took a chance on hiring an IT guy from Oklahoma. After
all, it is a state where my grandparents didn’t have an indoor toilet until
1967. Perhaps they had an elegant outhouse. I’m not sure. To be honest, it
never occurred to me to ask.

My time here, just a few months short of 2 years, has been great. I’ve worked
on a wide range of projects for an amazing set of clients, and I’ve raked up a
lot of experience. But the best part of being here has by far been all of my
wonderful co-workers. I mean that.

You’re all great, clever, amusing, people who will hopefully not be eaten by
dinosaurs or shanghaied (this is the Barbary coast afterrrrrgggh all). I hope
to see you all in the real world, and I’m glad that I’ll still have friends
here.

Also, my beard has enjoyed its five months here, and in honor of David’s
nickname for me (“Seth Kaczynski”) I leave you with this:

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have a question about outhouses for my grandmother.
And more importantly, I have a plane to catch with Laura. And you remember what
happened the last time Laura and I took a plane, right? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnEiG5559iw)

I’ve had a great time here, and I’ll miss it.

Thank You and Take Care,
-Seth

PS – In tradition, Andrea left the Jenga set to me, and I in turn leave it to
Laura.

References

[1] - My binder has this cover:

[2] - Velociraptor simulation: http://www.mbeckler.org/velociraptors/

I always file my taxes before the end of January for two reasons. The first reason is that it makes no sense for me to file other people's taxes. The second reason I want to make up because I'm not afraid of spontaneity, but how fun could a reason to file taxes be? On a scale of one to ten, it would tie with or at least edge out "Hanging out with Creed while conscious." On a side note, I'm not afraid of spontaneous combustion since I switched to an all-asbestos clothing line and took up a job as one of those scuba divers in the bottom of a fish tank.

It has been a solid career move. I spend the day scuba diving at the bottom of a fish tank, and once I reach the bottom I sit there and look through a chest full of pirate treasures. I'm friends with that algae eating fish you always stare at. Turns out all of our suspicions were right - he is by far the most laid back fish in the tank.

Back to taxes. Today I received a letter from the IRS that states I am awesome. Specifically, my new tax refund is about 33% more awesome than TurboTax thought it should be. Even better, the letter states that "If I feel a mistake has been made, I have 30 days to file a counter letter."

This is the easiest multiple choice question I've ever been asked to answer:

We want to give you more money. Do you want to...

This type of letter should come with confetti and ticker tape.

I thought about writing something witty about filing taxis instead of taxes, but I discarded the moment and instead rode a long train of thought (Taxes -> Taxis -> Robery DeNiro -> Heat -> Natalie Portman (Yea, I bet you forgot she had a role in the movie Heat) -> V for Vendetta -> Natalie Portman).

Natalie Portman has been known to occasionally use the gym across from where I work. That is perfect, because I've taken a few Hebrew lessons for fun lately, and now I'm completely prepared for my one-in-a-million chance encounter with her. The Police statement will read along these lines:

Natalie: "He walked up and started speaking in very bad Hebrew - 'Please pass the salt. I like vodka. Ice cream is good.' Then he started conjugating. It felt like the Rosetta Stone software was stalking me 'I run. He runs. She runs. I read. He reads. They read. I write. He writes. She writes.' He wouldn't stop. Finally I pushed him in front of a MUNI bus."

I love political intrigue. If you've not read about it, recently the Israeli Mossad assassinated Al-Mabhuh, a senior Hamas official, in Dubai. The entire operation had "It's a trap!" written all over it, yet the Mossad walked right in to it.

The picture above released by the Dubai Police is of the 11 Mossad agents. Assassination is nothing new, but the political controversy in this case is that the assassins used diplomatic documents and passports from Germany, France, and England. The illegal usage of government documents from other countries is going to erode tensions between Israel and its EU allies. The goal of this trap must have been to hurt those relationships.

The Dubai Police for has smart people on it, but they're a police force not an intelligence agency. The only way they could have gathered pictures of the 11 assassins this quckly is by being tipped off. Someone told them where to look and who to look for. Assassins don't enter a country declaring their presence and leaving large amounts of evidence behind. Their entire job and training is to be as covert as possible. The Dubai Police outfoxing the Mossad is the equivalent of me putting Bobby Fischer in check-mate in 3 moves. It would never happen.

Next we have Al-Mabhuh, the victim. He is a top Hamas official whose been smuggling Iranian arms in to Gaza for ages. He has spent his entire life not revealing what he is about to do, where he will go, or where he is. But Hamas claims that Al-Madhuh woke up one morning, decided to put away his training, and just call his family over a normal phone and say "Hey, I'm staying at this specific hotel on these specific dates." This would never happen.

Since a top Hamas official is unlikely to make such a mistake, but his organization believes he did, something is a miss. Here is what we know for sure:

1. Someone gave the Mossad information about Al-Madhuh. Either a mole in the Hamas or the Hamas used Al-Mabhuh as bait.
2. Someone gave the Dubai Police information about the Mossad assassins. Either a mole in the Mossad or the Hamas.

Scenario 1:

1. The Hamas know there is a critical mole in their organization
2. They need to lure the mole out with a high-level target the Mossad can not resist
3. Hamas expose al-Mabhuh to the mole
4. They watch the mole and then keep tabs on the Mossad agents
5. Mossad kill al-Mabhuh (Hamas can't interfere or the incident will not have enough political punch)
6. Hamas now have the internal mole and they get to make a political stir by revealing the Mossad

Yes, the scenario requires Hamas to give up a top official. Exposing Mossad agents isn't a price worth while enough to give up a top official, but catching a mole and creating a political mess for Israel is a much more attractive price. Internally that would be scandalous for the Hamas. But the scenario gives the Hamas a way to give up al-Mabhuh in such a way that no one would ever believe it

Scenario 2:

1. al-Mabhuh is an idiot and gave up his position
2. that lady cop from Fargo transferred to the Dubai Police force and uncovered the Mossad while saying things in a very entertaining Minnesotan accent

The basis of this post is that I personally should have the final say on all previews released by Hollywood.
And if a preview reveals too much information about a movie, I get to shoot the producter of the preview, or anyone
else responsible, in to the sun.

As an avid movie fan, I can't watch previews because they reveal too much, and I don't want to know anything that
might ruin a movie for me. When I see a preview, it is equivalent to teasing Sherlock Holmes with clues to a new mystery.
Soon every detail is devoured, nothing is missed, and I've figured out the movie before I've seen it. And when
I actually watch a movie, I devour things even faster. I want to start a movie with as little information as possible.
Example: 5 minutes in to the movie SAW, I knew who that killer had to be.

Couple that with the practice of Hollywood revealing every important detail in a preview, and it transforms seeing a great
movie in to seeing a mediocre descent movie. Hollywood suffers from severe incontinence of plot, and they tend to show every
funny moment from a movie in the preview.

It excited me to see two previews in 2009 that I'd rank among the best previews ever crafted. First, the original District 9
preview astonished me. It had suspense, mislead you in a method that made the revelation more impactful, and revealed little about
the characters or plot. It made you hungry, but it didn't feed you.

District 9 - Original Theatrical Preview (a direct link in case you need it):

I give the preview a grade of 100%. However, even small changes to a preview make drastic quality differences. Later, I'll show you
a preview that ruins a major moment in the movie. This first preview had a second version that made two small changes - it revealed
that faces of the aliens and translated what they said - which removed much impact. I'd rate that at 80%.

The next great preview of 2009 was Where the Wild Things Are. Here is an extremly rare case where the preview is much better
than the actual movie. Where the preview provided a sense of wild adventure, fear, hope, saddness, and love, the movie failed to provide
any of these. (In fact, this preview was better than most of the movies released in 2009.)

Where The Wild Things Are - Original Theaterical Preview (a direct link in case you need it):

The Bad and The Ugly

Although District 9 had a great initial preview, the later TV preview ruined the entire fucking movie to anyone who paid attention. Everyone responsible
for this preview should be shot in to the sun because at 0:55 they show a critical scene from the
last battle in the movie. They did this by showing an almost innocent action - the hero catching a missile midair. However, the movie was unpredictable enough
in many aspects that in the final battle you weren't sure if the missile would be stopped. However, if you saw the preview and had paid attention, the
moment was ruined.

District 9, TV Trailer #3 (a direct link in case you need it):

Remember when the movie Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers came out? Well, I'd never read the book, and I had no idea that Gandolf was still alive.
But you know what, fuck suspense and powerful emotions, at 0:44 in the preview, some ass decided to ruin the most powerful scene from the first movie
by spoiling the greatest scene from the second movie. Yes, that is right, in the PREVIEW

Two Towers, Theatrical Preview (a direct link in case you need it):

My final example is from the movie No Country for Old Men. It is an example of a tiny clue that ruined the last quarter of the movie for me. At 2:10 in to the trailer, they show a car wreck.

No Country For Old Men, Theatrical Preview (a direct link in case you need it):

I'd guess that for most people, that car wreck meant nothing. However, if you're observant then you know to expect the car wreck from the preview.
Since the location of the car wreck only matches one scene in the movie, you can anticipate the wreck instead of it being a complete surprise to you.
And that wreck is probably the only moment of true surprise in the movie. However, Joel and Ethan blew it. Also, since the wreck's location is specific,
as the movie starts to wind down, you know that Anton Chigurh has a final visit to make and that sometime soon he'll be in a car wreck.

I'll save shooting Joel and Ethan in to the sun, but I might have to if they slip up again.

I've found it hard to blog after picking up the hobby of stand-up comedy. Two issues arise. First, when I have posted videos of my stand-up in blog posts, people tend to say "Oh, I've read that before. Do something original." Second, seeing as the world of being funny is competitive, I'm afraid to post my best thoughts in fear that someone might steal what I write. I'd write more about my life, but I prefer many aspects of my life to be private.

<insert transition>

If you know me, then you know I love movies. More specifically, I love going to the theater. A love of the movie theater probably came from seeing a movie a week in theater from about 5th grade until my Freshman year of college. And that doesn't touch the number of rentals our family watched. To give you an idea, our VHS collection at one point topped 1,000 films... and I'd seen all of them except maybe 90.

(Tonight I actually saw 'Up in the Air' and 'Youth in Revolt' back-to-back.)

Here are the movies that I can remember seeing in theater this year:
Coraline, Push, I Love You Man, Milk, Monster's vs
Aliens, Star Trek, Terminator Salvation, Up, Year One,
Transformer's Year of the Fallen, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,
Paper Hearts, 9, Jennifer's Body, The
Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Where the Wild Things Are,
Planet 51, Avatar, District 9, The Hangover, Inglorious Basterds, Up in the Air, A Serious Man, The Fantastic Mister Fox ,Watchmen, 500 Days of Summer, Youth in Revolt.

There are ten movies I had hoped to see that I missed. But of the ones I saw, here are the best (in no particular order):

1. Avatar
2. Inglorious Basterds
3. District 9
4. The Hangover
5. A Serious Man
6. Up in the Air
7. Up

Note for my list, I try to pick one movie from each genre.

What do you think were the best movies of the year?